School’s out at Kings High and Principal Reggie Theus is getting things in order for next year’s classes.

Campus isn’t going to change a whole lot, because frankly, none of his students moved on. According to Superintendent Geoff Petrie’s plan, all the kids but 5-year senior Anthony Johnson were left behind.

There’ll be a new crop of penny-pushing freshman to complement the sophomores and upperclassmen, of course, so it won’t be quite the same crew as last year. Speaking of which, let’s introduce the usual suspects.

The towering Lurch kid spitting chew into the Gatorade bottle is senior Brad Miller. Most Improved last year, he’ll tell you that if he’s learned anything in four years, huge ice packs are the key to a center’s existence. That and another chaw. That is, of course, if his locker isn’t raided. That was a different lesson altogether.

The Snake with the dreads slurping up the Life cereal is Mikki Moore. Yeah sure, he likes it. The returning senior might play the four like a three, but he’s the most articulate of the group and a known pyro. He plays with fire.

That diamond-studded flash is junior Kevin Martin, one of the few kids that actually moved up a grade. Now a true upperclassman, it remains to be seen whether he’s more interested in striped collared shirts and cheerleaders than trench warfare.

The guy you just saw spring onto the roof from a sitting position is junior Ronny Artest. The guy did put in for a transfer to another institution, but then denied it himself—or did he? He can’t make up his mind. He got an A-plus in defense, but an “Unsatisfactory” in his Random Media Blurtings workshop. As this Clown Prince goes, so goes Kings campus, and for the Kings’ sake, he didn’t go.

Artest and exchange student Beno Udrih were the best bets to bolt after the semester, but the Kings offered Udrih a plush schedule he couldn’t refuse. His prior absences due to mono and chicken pox have Theus and Petrie pining for perfect attendance pins.

Twin sophomores John Salmons and Francisco Garcia were forced into starting roles on the varsity squad last year, sowing their letters on with pride. But back on the bench, it was brother Garcia who won Most Inspirational Teammate. For the school’s sake, brother Salmons should follow his sibling’s lead next semester.

Mid-year transfer Sheldon Williams and fellow sophomore Quincy Douby earned decent grades at best, but both may be remembered for big nights against the big rival on school’s final day last semester. Both may be quickly forgotten if their report cards don’t show serious improvement.

The administration has its hands full with the frosh. Spencer Hawes keeps a gun in his locker and isn’t afraid to shoot—and shoot. Face filled with braces, newbie Jason “Big Skates” Thompson looked sharp, fast and agile in a summer workout, but what this campus really needs is a bully, honestly. Patrick Ewing, Jr. and Sean Singletary will have to fight for anything that falls far enough to them. It’s just what you do as a freshman.

And in Sacramento, what you’ll do is pray for a big leap in test scores from a Kings High that won’t look much different come October.